Being asked to give a eulogy is an honour, and it can feel like a heavy one. Most people who do it have never done anything like it before. You don't need to be a writer or a confident speaker. A eulogy that is honest and in your own words is always enough.
What a eulogy is
A eulogy is a short speech at a funeral or memorial about the person who has died: their life, their character, and what they meant to the people around them.
It's different from:
a reading
A poem or passage, often not written about the person. See funeral poems.
an obituary or death notice
A written announcement, usually in a newspaper or online.
Who gives the eulogy
Often a close family member or friend, but there's no rule. Sometimes several people each speak briefly. A celebrant or minister can also give the eulogy, using memories you share with them. At a religious service, ask the minister in advance how a eulogy fits into the service.
How to write a eulogy, step by step
Check how much time you have
Ask the funeral director or celebrant. Crematorium services are often booked in fixed time slots, so the whole service may be short.
Gather memories
Talk to family and friends. Some questions to start with:
- Where did they grow up, and what was their family like? - What did they do for work, and what did they love doing? - What were they known for? Sayings, habits, a favourite song, a famous dish? - What's a story that always makes people smile? - What would they want people to remember?
Pick three or four things that sum them up
For example: "generous, stubborn, and the best cook in the street". These give your eulogy its shape.
Use a simple structure
- Opening: who you are, and how you knew them. - Their life: a few key moments. You don't need every date. - Stories: one or two short stories that show what they were like. - What they meant: to you, and to the people in the room. - Closing: a last thought, a line they used to say, or a simple goodbye.
Write the way you speak
Short sentences are easier to say out loud. Use the names and words your family uses.
Read it aloud and time it
Then cut anything that isn't needed. Most people find their first draft is too long.
Print it clearly
Use a large font, wide line spacing and numbered pages. Give a copy to the celebrant or funeral director in case someone needs to read it for you.
How long should a eulogy be?
Usually three to five minutes. Most people speak at roughly 130 words a minute, so that's about 400 to 700 words. If several people are speaking, keep each part shorter. Check with the celebrant how long you have.
Using humour
Gentle humour is fine, and often welcome. A funny story can bring the person back into the room for a moment, and laughter at a funeral is normal. Keep it kind, and think about who will be listening. If you're not sure about a story, ask someone close to the family.
On the day
- Have a glass of water nearby.
- Take a breath before you start, and pause between sections.
- Look up now and then, at someone you know if that helps.
- It's all right to stop if you get upset. People will wait. Everyone in the room is on your side.
- Agree beforehand who will take over if you can't carry on.
If you can't face speaking
That's all right. You can:
- write the eulogy and ask the celebrant, a friend or a family member to read it
- share your memories with the celebrant, who will write and give the eulogy
- write something shorter, or read a poem instead
- share your words in a book of memories, or at a gathering after the service
Our step-by-step guide
If you'd like more help, our own guide, Writing a Eulogy: A Step-by-Step Guide with Templates, takes you through it one step at a time, from gathering memories to standing up on the day. It includes templates you can fill in. It's a fillable PDF for £4.99. See the eulogy guide
Find local help
funeral directors near you (they can put you in touch with a local celebrant)
Notes for publishing
- The "Common questions" section should be output as FAQPage JSON-LD once the FAQ block is added to the template.
- The eulogy guide link should carry no rel="sponsored" (it's our own product), but the text must make clear it's a paid guide from Arranging a Funeral.
- The 130 words a minute figure is a general rule of thumb, which is why the page says "roughly".
When you have the words, put them in a free order of service template you can fill in and print.
Common questions
How long should a eulogy be?
Usually three to five minutes, which is about 400 to 700 words. Ask the celebrant how long you have.
Who should give the eulogy?
Anyone close to the person: a family member, a friend, or several people sharing it. A celebrant or minister can also give it for you.
What if I get upset while I'm speaking?
It's completely normal. Pause, take a breath, and carry on when you're ready. Agree beforehand with someone who can take over if you need them to.
Can I read a poem instead of a eulogy?
Yes. A reading can be just as meaningful. See our [funeral poems](/advice/arranging-a-funeral/funeral-poems/) page.
Should I use humour?
Gentle, kind humour is fine and often welcome. Funny stories help people remember the person as they were.
Do I need to write it down?
Yes. Even confident speakers find grief makes it hard to remember what they meant to say. A printed copy also means someone else can read it if needed.