If you're wondering whether you'd be welcome, the answer is usually yes. Most funerals are open to anyone who knew the person - friends, colleagues, neighbours, old school friends. Families are often moved by how many people turn up, and by the stories they hear from people they'd never met.
When a funeral is private
Sometimes a death notice or message says the funeral is "private" or "family only". That means the family would like a small service, and only those invited should go. Please respect it, even if you were close. You can still send a card, and there may be a memorial or gathering later that's open to everyone.
If the notice says nothing, the funeral is usually open. If you're unsure, ask someone close to the family rather than the immediate family themselves.
If you didn't know them well
You don't need to have been close. Colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances often go, and families are grateful for it. If you knew the person through work or a club, it can help to go with others from the same group.
If you're worried it will be too hard
It's natural to feel anxious, particularly if the death brings back your own losses. You can sit near the back, and you don't have to go to the wake afterwards. If it feels like too much, it's fine not to go - there are other ways to show you care.
Bringing children
There's no right age. Many families find it helps children to be included, and to say goodbye in their own way. If you're bringing a child:
- tell them beforehand what they'll see and hear, in simple words
- let them know people may cry, and that's all right
- sit near an aisle or the back, so you can slip out if you need to
- bring something quiet to keep a young child occupied
If the family has asked for no children, respect that.
If you can't go
Not being there doesn't mean you don't care. You could:
send a card
It means a great deal, and families often keep them
send flowers
Or donate to a charity the family has named - check the funeral notice first, as many families now ask for donations instead of flowers
watch online
Many crematoria and churches livestream services; ask the family or the funeral director
visit or call
In the weeks after, when things have gone quiet
Reviewed by the Arranging a Funeral team - September 2026.
More in this section
- Attending a funeral
- Deciding whether to go
- What to wear
- Getting to the funeral
- The funeral procession
- What happens at a funeral service
- After the funeral
- Funeral etiquette
Common questions
Can I go to the funeral if I didn't know the person well?
Usually, yes. Most funerals are open to anyone who knew the person, and families are often grateful to see colleagues, neighbours and old friends.
What does "private funeral" or "family only" mean?
The family would like a small service and only those invited should go. Please respect it. You can still send a card, and there may be a memorial later that's open to everyone.
Should I bring children to a funeral?
There's no right age, and many families find it helps children to be included. Tell them beforehand what will happen, and sit near an aisle or the back. If the family has asked for no children, respect that.
What if I can't go?
Send a card, flowers or a donation to the charity the family has named, or ask whether the service is being livestreamed. Visiting or calling in the weeks after also means a lot.