Every funeral is different. It might be religious or non-religious, formal or relaxed, in a church, a crematorium chapel, a woodland burial ground or somewhere else entirely. But most follow a similar pattern.
Where to sit
The front rows are kept for the closest family. If you're a friend, colleague or neighbour, sit a few rows back. If you're not sure, the funeral director's staff will show you where to go.
Before it starts
Switch your phone off, or to silent. You'll usually be given an order of service - a printed booklet with the running order, the words of any hymns or songs, and often photographs. Many people keep it afterwards.
How long it lasts
A service at a crematorium usually lasts around 30 to 45 minutes. A church service can be longer, particularly if it includes a burial afterwards.
What usually happens
Music
As the coffin is carried in, and everyone stands.
A welcome
From a minister, celebrant or family member.
Readings, poems or prayers
A eulogy or tribute
Someone speaks about the person's life. This is often where laughter and tears come together.
Hymns or songs
Join in if you'd like to; it's fine not to.
A moment of reflection
A short silence, in which people pray or think in their own way.
The committal
The formal goodbye.
Music
As people leave.
The committal
At a crematorium, curtains may close around the coffin, or it may stay in view while everyone leaves. At a burial, the committal takes place at the graveside, and close family sometimes drop a little soil or a flower onto the coffin. This can be the hardest moment of the day. There's no right way to react.
Leaving
The family usually leaves first. Some stand at the door to thank people for coming. You don't need to say much - "I'm so sorry" or "He was a wonderful man" is enough. See what to say to a bereaved family.
Photos and filming
Don't take photos or film unless the family has asked for it. If the service is being livestreamed, you may see a camera - that's for people who can't be there.
Crying - or not
Tears are natural, and nobody will think less of you. Equally, don't worry if you don't cry. People grieve in different ways.
Reviewed by the Arranging a Funeral team - September 2026.
More in this section
- Attending a funeral
- Deciding whether to go
- What to wear
- Getting to the funeral
- The funeral procession
- What happens at a funeral service
- After the funeral
- Funeral etiquette
See also How to write a eulogy.
Common questions
How long does a funeral service last?
A service at a crematorium usually lasts around 30 to 45 minutes. A church service can be longer, particularly if a burial follows.
Where should I sit?
The front rows are for the closest family. Friends, colleagues and neighbours usually sit a few rows back. The funeral director's staff will show you if you're unsure.
What is the committal?
The formal goodbye. At a crematorium, curtains may close around the coffin. At a burial, it takes place at the graveside.
Can I take photos at a funeral?
Not unless the family has asked for it.
Is it all right not to cry?
Yes. People grieve in different ways, and nobody will think less of you either way.